After my first post about style change, I had a lot of very interesting conversations regarding this topic with friends, acquintances or even with unknown people to whom I sold clothes. You can make new friends even on Ebay or Facebook sales groups.
Before I start, I wanted to say that to illustrate this post, we browsed through a lot of old pictures. Some of them are like 7 years old.
So, while talking with people, even if I took my decision at the end of last year, I’m still asked very often why I chose to completely leave Lolita fashion. People already started to ask when I was doing regular closet cleanings 3 years ago to reduce my wardrobe, or when I wanted a less dark Lolita style a few months before leaving.
I got tired of Elegant Gothic Lolita style, and of some of the things related to it. So I left the dark side and tried out Classical Lolita to try to revive the flame, but it didn’t worked, even if the only clothes I kept now are from this period.
When I was talking about the concept of phases, people always ended up asking « Do you think there is an age limit to Lolita ? » (I keep the example of Lolita as it is my own experience, but it can ne any alternative fashion or even mainstream trends).
To me the answer to this question is yes, there is a limit.
I already hear some of you screaming before I can even end my sentence « There is no age limit ! Anyone can wear this fashion if they feel good in it ! »
There you have your answer, in your own statement : « If they feel good in it. »
For me if there is a limit, it is not a precise age number. I will never say « Now that you are 30 you cannot wear Lolita anymore because you are too old for that. »
Not at all.
There is no age to start, because there is no age to change and to express yourself.
When I speak of an age limit, it’s mostly in your head.
Recently on Facebook one of my friends said she felt like she was too old for Lolita. A lot of people commented on her status saying that « No, there is no age », but she still kept her position because it was because she didn’t felt good in her clothes anymore. In this case, it is always better to change, not to force yourself wearing clothes you don’t like anymore just to please others because they think it suits you. It has to be your own decision.
There is a difference between « being too old » and « feeling too old ».
« Being too old »
Let’s take the easy example of a restaurant having kids menus and they precise that they are only for children under 8. If you are 15, you will be too old because it goes against the « under 8 » rule. You see what I mean ? It’s the same in amusement parks, some games and rides have a height limit, because they are meant for small children and won’t be adapted to someone older.
By the way, my husband Julien when he was a kid always had to wait to be tall enough to be allowed on some rides at Europa Park, but the happiness was short-lived as he became too tall a few years later and is not allowed on the rides anymore for being too tall.
Whatever, let’s go back to our topic.
« Feeling too old »
Like I said in my previous post, it is a matter of mental change. When you were a kid, you really liked your toys, isn’t it ? But with time you grew out of them, due to growing up and changes in taste, due to age-related evolution.
For sure you said « this toy is for babies » at least once.
Kids will naturally grow out of toys which are « not their age anymore », without having someone telling them that they should not play with this anymore.
Again this is the topic of my previous post , in which I explain that tastes change during life, and even when you are an adult you can still change. It depends of many factors. It can be your personnality, things that happened to you… But when it comes to clothes, it is often about the image of yourself you want to give to the world.
Take for example a 45 year old person who used to wear the most classic and mainstream clothing items to be as discreet as possible. Then this person decides to wear punk style because life is too short to be boring. It is evolution.
By the way when I’m at conventions, I meet a lot of people saying things like « It’s really beautiful but at my age we can’t wear that » or « I would love to be young to be able to wear that », or « I really would love to wear that but I can’t because of others ».
Even if it’s just for a short time, if you want to wear something, go for it. Maybe you will get tired of it after a while, but you should not block yourself because of others, or society who wants to force you to look like the mass.
What is sure is that you will regret not daring doing something you wanted to, but you will never regret it if you dare to live your life and express who you are.
Like Oscar Wilde says :
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.
So don’t forbid yourself to wear something because of the mass opinion. It is not a rule that you have to respect. It is never too late to express yourself, through a more eccentric or more discreet style.
To come back to Lolita, when we wore this style for a while and that we change, we can feel too old for it at one moment.
Usually we think it’s because of age, but it’s not really true. As our mind changes with time, we don’t necessarily feel at ease with the same look at 30 than 20, but this is because of mental change.
In short, when we look at a clothing style and that we feel too old for it, even if a few months before we loved this style, it is just an evolution of our taste. Nobody said that we were not allowed to wear it anymore (and even if someone did, we would have said that we won’t change for them because we like the style).
The most important is to be in harmony with ourselves
When we don’t feel at ease with something, going out in the street wearing certain clothes, we naturally go for other things in which we will feel better. There will always be people who will try to « support » us by saying « Don’t stop, it suits you so well » when we say that we start to get tired of something. Because these people may think that the decision comes from social pressure, but no, anyone can change their mind at any moment. The most important is to be in harmony with ourselves, the change is a personal decision, not a result of any pressure.
About my own experience, at the end I really felt too old for Lolita. When I opened my closet, I didn’t knew what to wear, because I did not liked any of the dresses anymore, I was there like « I can’t go out with this, I’m too old for it, I don’t want to look like that. ». I never got harassed in the street or anything for wearing Lolita, it is time who made me tired of it. I just did not felt good in these dresses, not « me » anymore.
Lolita is a very feminine style of course, but not the kind of feminity I wanted to express now. To me Lolita is a « maiden » style, which I don’t want to be anymore now.
It was exactly the same situation with my former Goth style. To me Goth was related to a « rebellious teenager period », so I chose to wear Lolita to give another image.
We often think that what a person is wearing isn’t important or has no particular meaning. I don’t agree with this.
Clothes are a great way to express what you are inside, even if it’s only for a short time, it is the image we want to give to others, and also to ourselves.
Then there is often this moment, where like Roger Murtaugh in Lethal Weapon would say, « I’m too old for this shit. », we are not comfortable anymore.
But, and I say this for those who are sure that they will love the same things for the rest of their life, not everyone changes. Some people keep the same style for a very long time, and it’s good for them if they feel comfortable and don’t feel the need to move on to something different.
The limit is not a number, it is a feeling.
Estelle, Bonbon Maléfique,